Before Pathways

Before Pathways, I found myself in a situation I would have never imagined.  My daughter had been diagnosed with an eating disorder.  She struggled with the issue for about 8 months, yet the aftermath of the illness would prove devastating for all of us.  Since no clear cause was ever determined, finding a treatment plan seemed elusive.   Never one to give up, I began, what seemed like, the longest journey of my life.

The search to find a professional to help her consumed my every waking moment.  I became mentally and physically exhausted trying to keep her alive.  I put on the “everything is great” mask when anyone asked how I was doing.   However, I knew I was just going through the motions of living my life, putting one foot in front of the other.  I felt empty and hollow inside.  I had shut myself off from a lot of my friends and I felt so helpless and alone.

After about 2 years of searching, I found hope and support in a family therapist, Patty Germany.  It took awhile, but Patty was able to connect with my daughter in a way no one else had.  As we worked together to find solutions for her, she began to point out that I needed to focus on issues of my own.  She told me about Pathways.  My first reaction, “I’ve done things like that before and that’s just not for me.”  Always one to tackle life by myself and on my own terms, I told her I would think about it.  And as luck would have it, life started looking better, but in the back of my mind I was still guarded, waiting for the other shoe to drop and eventually it did.  When things get better in one part of your life, other areas start to fall apart and I began to spiral downward again.  During one of our office visits, Patty brought up Pathways again. I could feel she wanted more for me that I knew was possible.  When I walked out of her office, I realized that this “Solo” thing I had been doing had sucked the life out of me.  I went home that day, logged into the website and signed up for the training in November, 2012.

During the Weekend/Walk of the Pathways Training, I had to take a good, hard look at myself and my actions.  I realized I had been a passive participant in my own life and not the victim of circumstances as I would have liked everyone to believe.  I was so consumed running everyone else’s life, I was unable to live my own.  After the Weekend/Walk, I had a renewed energy and love for my life as well as those around me.  I learned that I was important.  I also found out that I needed to take care of myself before I could take care of others.

During the Partners portion of the training, I was given tools in order to build the new life I had found.  One of my favorites, “the Dot Process”, proves to be very valuable in my day to day life.  In the past, I would have reacted and blown up when something went wrong.  But the Dot Process allowed me to gain perspective toward the events that randomly show up each day.  I can now laugh at the small things and even some of the big ones.  However, the most important tool I have and use each day is “Connection”.  I entered the training with 40 strangers and left 5 months later with 40 like-minded individuals who all want the best for me and themselves.  We have each other’s back and I can call on them whenever an issue comes up.  Where I once was all about going solo, figuring it out by myself, I’m now all in.  I’m not too proud to ask for help.   There is strength in the asking.  And, when I reach out, I find so much support and other points of view that had never occurred to me.

To say that Pathways changed my life is an understatement.  However, they would say that I did the hard work necessary to change my path from where I was going to where my heart wanted to take me.  I’m now an active participant in my life and I’m still making progress.  It’s been said that “Life is a journey, not a destination”.  I’m excited to see where this journey takes me.

Valerie Ray